Pants 0. Shit 1.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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