I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
