Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
