sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
