sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
