I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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