Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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