wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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