I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Say something about gay babies.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
