Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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