so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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