What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
