if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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