I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize