Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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