K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
