got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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