People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
