Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My feet surprised me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
