I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
