so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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