That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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