i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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