I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I understand Curling. That high.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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