I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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