i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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