I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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