he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
