this will be a night to untag.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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