where am i from again
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
