My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
