Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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