oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
