FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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