i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize