I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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