Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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