Just took my morning after pill in the library
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
