Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
