i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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