What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
