so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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