Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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