He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
