His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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