oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
