I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
