She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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