Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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