Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
