All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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