i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
