A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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