And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize