she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Damn victory sex feels great
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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